Letter 214

I received your letter on February 4, and that same day I formally accepted the inheritance under the will. One of my many miserable anxieties is removed, if, as you say, this inheritance is enough to maintain my credit and reputation, though I know you would have defended them with all your resources even without it. As for what you write about the dowry, I implore you, by heaven, to manage the whole business and protect that poor girl, the victim of my culpable carelessness, with my money if there is any, and with your own as far as you can without inconvenience. Please do not let her remain in the utter want you describe. What is happening to the rents from my farms? No one ever told me that the five hundred you mention had been kept back out of the dowry; I would never have allowed it. But that is the least of the blows I have suffered. I cannot write to you about them for sorrow and tears. Of the money I had in Asia, I have called in nearly half. It seems safer where it is than with the tax collectors. As for your encouragement to be brave, I wish you could find some reason why I should be. If, on top of my other sorrows, there comes what Chrysippus said is being considered - you gave me no hint - I mean the confiscation of my town house, then I am the most wretched man alive. I beg and implore your forgiveness. I can write no more. I am sure you see what a weight of misery is crushing me. If I shared it with others who seem to be in the same position, I would feel less blameworthy and bear it better. Now I have no consolation unless you can arrange, if it is still possible, that no special disaster or harm falls on me alone. I have been rather slow in sending your letter-carrier back because there was no opportunity to send him. From your agents I have received about six hundred and the clothing I needed. Please send letters in my name to anyone you think proper. You know my close friends. If they notice the absence of my seal or handwriting, say that I avoided using them because of the sentries.

I received your letter on the 4th of February, and on the same day I accepted the inheritance formally according to the will. Of my many and miserable anxieties one is taken away, if, as you say, this inheritance is sufficient to maintain my credit and reputation, though I know you would have defended it even without the inheritance with all your resources. As for what you write about the dowry I adjure you for heaven's sake to manage the whole business and protect the poor girl, a victim of my culpable carelessness, with my funds, if there are any, and out of your own, so far as you can without inconvenience. Pray do not let her remain in the utter want you depict. On what are the rents of my farms being wasted? That 500 guineas of which you write, no one ever told me that it had been kept back out of the dowry, for I would never have allowed it. But that is the least of the blows I have suffered. I cannot write to you about them for sorrow and tears. Of the money I had in Asia I have called in nearly half. It would appear to be safer where it is than with the tax-collectors. As for your exhortations to be of good courage, I wish you could find some reason why I should be so. If, on the top of my other sorrows, there comes that which Chrysippus said is under consideration (you gave me no hint), I mean the confiscation of my town house, I am the most wretched man alive. I pray and beseech you pardon me. I can write no more. You see, I am sure, with what a weight of misery I am oppressed. If I shared it with others, who seem to be in the same predicament, I should feel less blameworthy and bear it better. Now I have no consolation unless you can arrange, if it is now possible, that I may not be visited with any special disaster and harm. I have been rather slow in sending back your letter-carrier, because there was no opportunity of sending him. From your agents I have received some £600 and the necessary clothing. Please send letters to any people you think right in my name. You know my intimate friends. If they notice the absence of my seal or handwriting, please say I have avoided using them owing to the sentries.

[1] Litteras tuas accepi pr. Non. Febr. eoque ipso die ex testamento crevi hereditatem. ex multis meis miserrimis curis est una levata si, ut scribis, ista hereditas fidem et famam meam tueri potest; quam quidem intellego te etiam sine hereditate tuis opibus defensurum fuisse. [2] de dote quod scribis, per omnis deos te obtestor ut totam rem suscipias et illam miseram mea culpa et neglegentia tueare meis opibus si quae sunt, tuis quibus tibi molestum non erit facultatibus. quoi quidem deesse omnia, quod scribis, obsecro te, noli pati. in quos enim sumptus abeunt fructus praediorum? iam illa HS L_X_ quae scribis nemo mihi umquam dixit ex dote esse detracta; numquam enim essem passus. sed haec minima est ex iis iniuriis quas accepi; de quibus ad te dolore et lacrimis scribere prohibeor. ex ea pecunia quae fuit in Asia partem dimidiam fere exegi. [3] tutius videbatur fore ibi ubi est quam apud publicanos. quod me hortaris ut firmo sim animo, vellem posses aliquid adferre quam ob rem id facere possem. sed si ad ceteras miserias accessit etiam id quod mihi Chrysippus dixit parari (tu nihil significasti) de domo, quis me miserior uno iam fuit? oro, obsecro, ignosce. non possum plura scribere. quanto maerore urgear profecto vides. quod si mihi commune cum ceteris esset qui videntur in eadem causa esse, minor mea culpa videretur et eo tolerabilior esset. nunc nihil est quod consoletur, nisi quid tu efficis, si modo etiam nunc effici potest ut ne qua singulari adficiar calamitate et iniuria. [4] tardius ad te remisi tabellarium quod potestas mittendi non fuit. A tuis et nummorum accepi HS L_X_X_ et vestimentorum quod opus fuit. quibus tibi videbitur velim des litteras meo nomine. Nosti meos familiaris. (si) signum requirent aut manum, dices me propter custodias ea vitasse.