Letter 433: I have always admired your goodwill toward me, and I could never convince myself that you did this without some god...

To Anatolius (355) I for my part have always admired your goodwill toward me, and I could not be persuaded that you were doing this without some god prompting you, so far did you appear to surpass all who profess to love. But now you have, as the saying goes, displayed your solicitude beyond the trench-line, in that you wrote to me that I ought to learn something from Magnus, while to him you indicated what he ought to say to us. To anyone else, then, he would have seemed an obscure messenger, for he announced only this much, that one ought not to bestir oneself in vain; but a certain thought of Dodona [the ancient oracle of Zeus, famed for cryptic responses] took hold of me, and nothing was dark. I thought, therefore, that I owed you thanks on many counts, if indeed the beloved ought to feel thanks toward their lovers: both for carrying me upon your soul, and for counseling me not to be deprived of my own kin, and for seeking this out, if it were possible, and for making known, so far as was possible, what you had learned. For now, then, having set doors upon ourselves, we acknowledge the favor within our own circle; but if license be given to my speech, we shall fill earth and sea. How, then, do I in turn take care of you? If I looked to your own interest before the common good, I would join in praying that you might sit at home and take delight in your possessions and in beautiful Berytus [Beirut]; but as it is, since I would rather the cities fared well than that you should come to sleep free of cares, this I do not ask, but rather victory for you for all time, since office has again come into your hands. And I do ask of you this, which you will assuredly do, and which indeed has already been done: namely, the compulsion sent from the emperor in letters bidding me to set out from here, it would be fitting that it should obtain some respite, once you at least have come there. For among those who are able to manage such matters, there is no one who will not count it a windfall to be seen rendering some service in accordance with your wishes; so that even now letters coming upon letters all but cast me out, had not my body, while doing me good service, been ailing. And yet consider how great a calamity I judge that journey to be, on account of which even being ill is by now no enemy to me. Saying this very thing, then, that my body has been undone by the frequent assaults upon my kidneys, which have suffered everything, persuade them not to send me into excesses of cold, which is the greatest evil for kidneys that have grown weak, since even all the illnesses I have suffered here, the physicians say have received their blows as Thracian ones [i.e., from the harsh cold of Thrace]; so that whoever sends me as though I were going to consort with the young, let him know that he sends me as one who will die.

Ἀνατολίῳ (355) Ἀεὶ μὲν ἔγωγε τὴν σὴν εὔνοιαν ἠγάσθην <τὴν> εἰς ἐμὲ καὶ οὐκ εἶχον πεισθῆναι ὅτι σὺ τοῦτο ποιεῖς οὐχὶ θεῶν του κινοῦντος, οὕτως ὑπεραίρειν ἐφαίνου πάντας ὅσοι φάσκουσι φιλεῖν· νῦν δὲ ὑπὲρ τὰ ἐσκαμμένα, φασίν, ἐπεδείξω τὴν κηδεμονίαν ἐν οἶς ἐμοὶ μὲν ἔγραψας, ὡς δεῖ τι παρὰ Μάγνου μαθεῖν, ἐκείνῳ δὲ ἔφρασας ἃ δεῖ πρὸς ἡμᾶς εἰπεῖν. ἄλλῳ μὲν οὖν ἀσαφὴς ἂν ἔδοξεν ἄγγελος εἶναι, καὶ γὰρ τοσοῦτον ἤγγειλε μόνον, ὡς οὐ δεῖ κινεῖσθαι μάτην, ἐμὲ δὲ ἔννοιά τις ἔλαβε Δωδώνης, καὶ σκοτεινὸν ἦν οὐδέν. πολλῶν οὖν ᾤμην σοι δεῖν χάριν εἰδέναι, εἰ δὴ δεῖ τοὺς ἐρωμένους τοῖς ἐρασταῖς εἰδέναι χάριν, τοῦ τε φέρειν με ἐπὶ τῆς ψυχῆς καὶ τοῦ συμβού- λεσθαί μοι τὸ μὴ τῶν οἰκείων στέρεσθαι καὶ τοῦ ζητῆσαι τοῦτο, εἰ δυνατόν, καὶ τοῦ γνῶναι μηνύσαι, ὡς δυνατόν. νῦν μὲν οὖν ἐν ἡμῖν αὐτοῖς θύρας ἐπιθέντες ὁμολογοῦμεν τὴν χάριν, ἐξου- σίας δὲ εἰς τὸν λόγον δοθείσης ἐμπλήσομεν γῆν καὶ θάλατταν. πῶς οὖν ἀντεπιμελοῦμαί σου; εἰ τὸ σὸν ἑώρων πρὸ τοῦ κοινοῦ. συνευξάμην ἄν σοι oἴκοι καθημένῳ κτήμασι τέρπεσθαι καὶ Βηρυτῷ τῇ παγκάλῃ · νῦν δέ, βουλοίμην γὰρ ἂν εὖ πρᾶξαι τὰς πόλεις ἢ σοὶ γενέσθαι καθεύδειν ἐλευθέρῳ φροντίδων, τοῦτο μὲν οὐκ αἰτῶ, νίκην δὲ σοὶ κατὰ παντὸς τοῦ χρόνου πάλιν ἀρχῆς εἰς χεῖρας ἐλθούσης. αἰτῶ δὲ δή σοι τοῦτο ὃ πάντως δράσεις, καὶ δὴ καὶ πέπρακταί γε ἤδη. τὴν δὲ ἐκ βασιλέως ἀνάγκην πεμπομένην ἐν ἐπιστολαῖς εἰς τὸ ἀναστῆναί με ἐν- θένθε πρέποι ἂν λαβεῖν τινα ἀνάπαυλαν σοῦ γε ἐλθόντος ἐκεῖσε. τῶν γὰρ τὰ τοιαῦτα δυνατῶν διοικῆσαι οὔτι ἔστιν ὅστις οὐχ ἔρμ αιον ἡγήσεται τῶν σοὶ κατὰ νοῦν ὑπηρετῶν τι φανῆναι· ὡς νῦν γράμματά γε ἐπὶ γράμμασιν ἥκοντα μικροῦ με ἐξέβα- λεν, εἰ μή μοι τὸ σῶμα εὖ ποιοῦν ἔκαμνε. καίτοι σκόπει, τόσην τινὰ κρίνω συμφορὰν ἐκείνην τὴν ὁδόν, δι’ ἣν ἤδη μοι καὶ τὸ νοσεῖν οὐκ ἐχθρόν. αὐτὸ δὴ οὖν τοῦτο λέγων, ὡς τὸ σῶμά μοι διερρύηκε τῶν νεφρῶν πυκναῖς προσβολαῖς τί οὐ παθόντων, πεῖθε μὴ πέμπειν με ἐπὶ ψύχους ὑπερβολάς, ὃ μέ- γιστον κακὸν ἠσθενηκόσι νεφροῖς, ἐπεὶ καὶ ὅσα τῇδε νενοσή- καμεν, Θρᾳκίους ἰατροί φασιν εἰληφέναι τὰς πληγάς· ὥστε ὁ πέμπων ὡς νέοις συνεσόμενον ἴστω πέμπων ὡς τεθνηξόμενον.