Letter 9027: I owe you a letter, and I pay the debt gladly.

XXVII. Ennodius to Bishop Aurelianus. I owe a voice to my grief, but I owe silence to your reverence. And perhaps a mute pretense of overlooking it would better express my sorrow at being denied your conversation: for it would be elegant and subtle that, by the very lines in which an offense is committed against me, the faults of my betters should be struck, so that the blame might carry its own punishment within itself. But where am I to turn, I who do not cease to pursue with the persistence of love one who is forgetful of me and who spurns acquaintance with humble folk? Is not the importunity of one who has been rejected the mother of dread, since the desire to please through constancy supplies the material for giving displeasure? For whatever we flee in our minds we scarcely look upon when it is thrust before our eyes. If only it were permitted me to contend still on equal terms of fortune with your blessedness! But the privileges of kinship lie dormant in the presence of your crown [your episcopal dignity], now that you have been found worthy to be a father. Does any man hold that the bonds of necessary relationship, of lineage, and of affection are dissolved by his own increases and by the accession of a holy dignity? Was it then fitting for the advancement of your merit to be made known to me by unreliable rumor, and that I should still hang in suspense by mere supposition, kept content with the common rejoicings? I was singled out, to whom the general good was passed over in silence, and I alone, owing to the obscurity of my condition, should be ignorant of this matter of the golden age. A life noble even by birth has ascended the summit of ecclesiastical honor, and yet it disdains to address me. Truly it is not proven whether such a deed has come about by deliberate intent or by negligence. I, nevertheless, render the services of a greeting, and with Italic plainness I declare without dissimulation the source from which I have taken my sadness.

XXVII. ENNODIVS AVRELIANO EPISCOPO. Debeo equidem dolori meo uocem, sed reuerentiae uestrae taciturnitatem. et forte melius maerorem de abstinentia sermonis uestri loqueretur muta dissimulatio: urbanum enim et subtile erat, ut isdem lineis quibus in me delinquitur potiorum delicta ferirentur, ut secum haberet culpa uindictam. sed quo me uertam, qui inmemorem mei et humilium notitiam respuentem pertinacia amoris insequi non desisto? numquid non repudiati inportunitas mater horroris est, cum placendi per adsiduitatem desiderium materiam exigat displicendi? nam quicquid mente fugimus ingestum oculis uix uidemus. si mihi liceret adhuc aequali cum beatitudine tua sorte contendere! sed dormiunt apud coronam tuam propinquitatis priuilegia, postquam pater esse meruisti. retinet quisquam hominum perire 1 ennodii Т2b si cessit B, successii fort . 8 sabuebor B, sabmouebar fort . 4 agnosca ̄ nt T corr. m. 2 6 uultes B 8 meserias B1 cu∗rent (r erae.) L quidquam L 11 cotam] otrpbram L ., XXVII. 13 epos B 14 sequidem B ure B 15 merorem BT 16 muta loqueretur TV, sequeretur muta Pb 17 hisdem B, eisdem Pb 18 heberet B 20 pertinatia L\'P, pertinaoiam BTYb, pertinatU L1 nunquid T 21 per-displicendi om. B add . in mg. info corr . 22 exigit P et Sirm . 24 tan cimdere B 25 puilegia L -. suis iura necessitudinis incrementis et accessione piae dignitatis et generis et diligentiae uincla dissolui ? ergo decuit euectionem meriti uestri: instabili mihi esse rumore conpertam et de communibus gaudiis adhuc pendere opinione eontentum? electus sum, cui bonum generale taceretur, at rem aurei saeculi solus pro conscientiae meae obscuritate nescirem. nobilis uita uel genere apicem ecclesiastic honoris ascendit, et me dedignatur adloquio. uere tale factum, aut studio aut neglegentia euenerit, non probatur. ego tamen seruitia salutationis inpendo et Italica simplicitate, unde tristitiam habuerim, sine dissimulatione manifesto.