Marcus Tullius Cicero→Titus Pomponius Atticus|c. 46 BC|Cicero|From Rome|To Rome/Athens|AI-assisted
I sent you a letter yesterday about making my excuses to Appuleius. I think there is nothing to it. Whomever you approach, no one will refuse. But see Septimius and Laenas and Statilius; for three are needed. Laenas, though, had taken the whole matter on himself for me.
As to your writing that you have been dunned by Junius: Cornificius is certainly well off; but still I should like to know when I am alleged to have gone surety, and whether for the father or for the son. And no less for that, as you write, you will see to Cornificius's agents and Appuleius the dealer in mortgaged property.
As to your wishing me to be revived from this grief, you do as you do in everything; but you are my witness that I have not failed myself. For nothing has been written by anyone about lessening grief that I have not read in your house. But my sorrow overcomes all consolation. Indeed I have even done what assuredly no one ever did before me, console myself by writing. This book I will send to you, if the copyists have written it out. I assure you there is no consolation like it. I write whole days long, not that I make any progress, but for so long I am held back, not enough, to be sure (for the force presses on me)—yet I am relieved nonetheless, and I strive with all my power, not to restore my mind, but at least my very face, if I can; and in doing this I sometimes seem to myself to be doing wrong, sometimes that I shall do wrong unless I do it. Solitude helps somewhat, but it would do much more good if you were here all the same. That is my one reason for leaving here; for as far as my troubles went, the place suited me. Although that very thing pains me. For you will no longer be able to be the same toward me. Those qualities you used to love are gone.
About Brutus's letter to me, I wrote to you earlier. It was wisely written, but there was nothing in it to help me. What he wrote to you I should have wished, namely that he were here himself. He would surely be of some help, since he loves me so much. And if you know anything, I should like you to write to me—above all, when Pansa is coming. About Attica I am distressed; still, I trust in Craterus [a renowned physician]. Forbid Pilia to grieve. It is enough that I mourn for us all.
See that my excuses are paid to Appuleius every day, since you do not
approve of one general excuse. In this solitude I don't speak to a soul.
In the morning I hide myself in a dense and wild wood, and I don't come
out till the evening. After you I have not a greater friend than
solitude. In it my only converse is with books, though tears interrupt
it. I fight against them as much as I can: but as yet I am not equal to
the struggle. I will answer Brutus as you suggest. You shall have the
letter to-morrow. Give it to a messenger, when you have one.
de me excusando apud Appuleium dederam ad te pridie litteras. nihil esse negoti arbitror. quemcumque appellaris nemo negabit. sed Septimium vide et Laenatem et Statilium; tribus enim opus est. sed mihi laenas totum receperat. [2] quod scribis a Iunio te appellatum, omnino Cornificius locuples est; sed tamen scire velim quando dicar spopondisse et pro patre anne pro filio. neque eo minus, ut scribis, procuratores Cornifici et Appuleium praediatorem videbis. [3] quod me ab hoc maerore recreari vis, facis ut omnia; sed me mihi non defuisse tu testis es. nihil enim de maerore minuendo scriptum ab ullo est quod ego non domi tuae legerim. sed omnem consolationem vincit dolor. quin etiam feci quod profecto ante me nemo ut ipse me per litteras consolarer. quem librum ad te mittam, si descripserint librarii. adfirmo tibi nullam consolationem esse talem. totos dies scribo, non quo proficiam quid sed tantisper impedior non equidem satis (vis enim urget),--sed relaxor tamen ad omniaque nitor non ad animum sed ad vultum ipsum, si queam, reficiendum idque faciens interdum mihi peccare videor, interdum peccaturus esse nisi faciam. solitudo aliquid adiuvat, sed multo plus proficeret, si tu tamen interesses. quae mihi una causa est hinc discedendi; nam pro malis recte habebat. quamquam <id> ipsum doleo. non enim iam in me idem esse poteris. perierunt illa quae amabas. [4] de Bruti ad me litteris scripsi ad te antea. prudenter scriptae, sed nihil quod me adiuvarent quod ad te scripsit id vellem, ut ipse adesset. certe aliquid, quoniam me tam valde amat, adiuvaret. quod si quid scies, scribas ad me velim, maxime autem Pansa quando. de Attica doleo, credo tamen Cratero. Piliam angi veta. satis est me maerere pro omnibus.
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I sent you a letter yesterday about making my excuses to Appuleius. I think there is nothing to it. Whomever you approach, no one will refuse. But see Septimius and Laenas and Statilius; for three are needed. Laenas, though, had taken the whole matter on himself for me.
As to your writing that you have been dunned by Junius: Cornificius is certainly well off; but still I should like to know when I am alleged to have gone surety, and whether for the father or for the son. And no less for that, as you write, you will see to Cornificius's agents and Appuleius the dealer in mortgaged property.
As to your wishing me to be revived from this grief, you do as you do in everything; but you are my witness that I have not failed myself. For nothing has been written by anyone about lessening grief that I have not read in your house. But my sorrow overcomes all consolation. Indeed I have even done what assuredly no one ever did before me, console myself by writing. This book I will send to you, if the copyists have written it out. I assure you there is no consolation like it. I write whole days long, not that I make any progress, but for so long I am held back, not enough, to be sure (for the force presses on me)—yet I am relieved nonetheless, and I strive with all my power, not to restore my mind, but at least my very face, if I can; and in doing this I sometimes seem to myself to be doing wrong, sometimes that I shall do wrong unless I do it. Solitude helps somewhat, but it would do much more good if you were here all the same. That is my one reason for leaving here; for as far as my troubles went, the place suited me. Although that very thing pains me. For you will no longer be able to be the same toward me. Those qualities you used to love are gone.
About Brutus's letter to me, I wrote to you earlier. It was wisely written, but there was nothing in it to help me. What he wrote to you I should have wished, namely that he were here himself. He would surely be of some help, since he loves me so much. And if you know anything, I should like you to write to me—above all, when Pansa is coming. About Attica I am distressed; still, I trust in Craterus [a renowned physician]. Forbid Pilia to grieve. It is enough that I mourn for us all.
AI-assisted translation - This translation was produced with AI assistance and has not been peer-reviewed. See the 19th-century translation or original Latin/Greek below for scholarly use.
Latin / Greek Original
de me excusando apud Appuleium dederam ad te pridie litteras. nihil esse negoti arbitror. quemcumque appellaris nemo negabit. sed Septimium vide et Laenatem et Statilium; tribus enim opus est. sed mihi laenas totum receperat. [2] quod scribis a Iunio te appellatum, omnino Cornificius locuples est; sed tamen scire velim quando dicar spopondisse et pro patre anne pro filio. neque eo minus, ut scribis, procuratores Cornifici et Appuleium praediatorem videbis. [3] quod me ab hoc maerore recreari vis, facis ut omnia; sed me mihi non defuisse tu testis es. nihil enim de maerore minuendo scriptum ab ullo est quod ego non domi tuae legerim. sed omnem consolationem vincit dolor. quin etiam feci quod profecto ante me nemo ut ipse me per litteras consolarer. quem librum ad te mittam, si descripserint librarii. adfirmo tibi nullam consolationem esse talem. totos dies scribo, non quo proficiam quid sed tantisper impedior non equidem satis (vis enim urget),--sed relaxor tamen ad omniaque nitor non ad animum sed ad vultum ipsum, si queam, reficiendum idque faciens interdum mihi peccare videor, interdum peccaturus esse nisi faciam. solitudo aliquid adiuvat, sed multo plus proficeret, si tu tamen interesses. quae mihi una causa est hinc discedendi; nam pro malis recte habebat. quamquam <id> ipsum doleo. non enim iam in me idem esse poteris. perierunt illa quae amabas. [4] de Bruti ad me litteris scripsi ad te antea. prudenter scriptae, sed nihil quod me adiuvarent quod ad te scripsit id vellem, ut ipse adesset. certe aliquid, quoniam me tam valde amat, adiuvaret. quod si quid scies, scribas ad me velim, maxime autem Pansa quando. de Attica doleo, credo tamen Cratero. Piliam angi veta. satis est me maerere pro omnibus.