Marcus Tullius Cicero→Titus Pomponius Atticus|c. 46 BC|Cicero|From Rome|To Rome/Athens|AI-assisted
Attica distresses me, though I agree with Craterus [her physician]. Brutus's letter, written both wisely and affectionately, nevertheless brought many tears to my eyes. This solitude troubles me less than that crowded life of yours there. You alone I long for; but I find letters no harder to manage here than if I were at home. Yet that same burning grief presses on me and stays, not, by Hercules, because I indulge it, but rather though I fight against it.
As to what you write about Appuleius, I think there is no need for any effort on your part, nor for Balbus and Oppius; indeed Appuleius had given them his word, and had even given orders that I be told he would be no trouble at all. But see to it that I am excused on grounds of illness from one day to the next. Laenas had undertaken this. Get hold of Gaius Septimius and Lucius Statilius. In short, no one will refuse to swear to it whom you ask. But if it proves too difficult, I will come myself and swear to a permanent illness. For since I must do without banquets, I would rather seem to do it by law than out of grief. I should like you to call on Cocceius. For he is not doing what he had promised. As for me, I want to buy some hiding-place and refuge for my grief.
I wrote to you yesterday about offering my excuses to Appuleius. I don't think there will be any bother. Any one you apply to is sure not to
refuse. But see Septimius, Laenas and Statilius. There must be three. However Laenas undertook the whole matter for me.
You say you have been dunned by Junius. Well anyhow Cornificius is rich enough to pay: but I should like to know when they say I went bail for him, and whether it was for the father or the son. Still for all that, do as you say, and see Cornificius' agents and Appuleius the estate agent.
You are as kind as usual in wishing that I could get some relief from my grief; but you can bear witness that it is no fault of mine. For every word that has been written by anyone on the subject of assuaging grief I read at your house. But my sorrow is beyond any consolation. Why, I have done what no one has ever done before, tried to console myself by writing a book. I will send it to you as soon as it is copied out. I assure you no other consolation equals it. I write the whole day long, not that it does any good, but it acts as a temporary check: not very much of that, for the violence of my grief is too strong; but still I get some relief and try with all my might to attain some composure of countenance, if not of mind. In so doing sometimes I think I am doing wrong, and sometimes that I should be doing wrong, if I were not to do it. Solitude helps a little, but it would have much more effect, if you at any rate could be with me: and that is my only reason for leaving, for the place is as right as any could be under the circumstances. However even the idea of seeing you upsets me: for now you can never feel the same towards me. I have lost all you used to love.
I have mentioned Brutus' letter to me before:
it was full of wise saws, but nothing that could help me. To you he wrote asking if I should like his company. Yes, it would do me some good, as he has so great an affection for me. If you have any news, please write and let me know, especially when Pansa is going. I am sorry about Attica, but I believe Craterus. Tell Pilia not to worry: my sorrow is enough for all.
commovet me Attica; etsi adsentior Cratero. Bruti litterae scriptae et prudenter et amice multas mihi tamen lacrimas attulerunt. me haec solitudo minus stimulat quam ista celebritas. te unum desidero; sed litteris non difficilius utor quam si domi essem. ardor tamen ille idem urget et manet non me hercule indulgente me sed tamen repugnante. [2] quod scribis de Appuleio, nihil puto opus esse tua contentione nec Balbo et Oppio; quibus quidem ille receperat mihique etiam iusserat nuntiari se molestum omnino non futurum. sed cura ut excuser morbi causa in dies singulos. laenas hoc receperat. prende C. Septimium, L. Statilium. denique nemo negabit sc iuraturum quem rogaris. quod si erit durius, veniam et ipse perpetuum morbum iurabo. cum enim mihi carendum sit conviviis, malo id lege videri facere quam dolore. Cocceium velim appelles. quod enim dixerat non facit. ego autem volo aliquod emere latibulum et perfugium doloris mei.
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Attica distresses me, though I agree with Craterus [her physician]. Brutus's letter, written both wisely and affectionately, nevertheless brought many tears to my eyes. This solitude troubles me less than that crowded life of yours there. You alone I long for; but I find letters no harder to manage here than if I were at home. Yet that same burning grief presses on me and stays, not, by Hercules, because I indulge it, but rather though I fight against it.
As to what you write about Appuleius, I think there is no need for any effort on your part, nor for Balbus and Oppius; indeed Appuleius had given them his word, and had even given orders that I be told he would be no trouble at all. But see to it that I am excused on grounds of illness from one day to the next. Laenas had undertaken this. Get hold of Gaius Septimius and Lucius Statilius. In short, no one will refuse to swear to it whom you ask. But if it proves too difficult, I will come myself and swear to a permanent illness. For since I must do without banquets, I would rather seem to do it by law than out of grief. I should like you to call on Cocceius. For he is not doing what he had promised. As for me, I want to buy some hiding-place and refuge for my grief.
AI-assisted translation - This translation was produced with AI assistance and has not been peer-reviewed. See the 19th-century translation or original Latin/Greek below for scholarly use.
Latin / Greek Original
commovet me Attica; etsi adsentior Cratero. Bruti litterae scriptae et prudenter et amice multas mihi tamen lacrimas attulerunt. me haec solitudo minus stimulat quam ista celebritas. te unum desidero; sed litteris non difficilius utor quam si domi essem. ardor tamen ille idem urget et manet non me hercule indulgente me sed tamen repugnante. [2] quod scribis de Appuleio, nihil puto opus esse tua contentione nec Balbo et Oppio; quibus quidem ille receperat mihique etiam iusserat nuntiari se molestum omnino non futurum. sed cura ut excuser morbi causa in dies singulos. laenas hoc receperat. prende C. Septimium, L. Statilium. denique nemo negabit sc iuraturum quem rogaris. quod si erit durius, veniam et ipse perpetuum morbum iurabo. cum enim mihi carendum sit conviviis, malo id lege videri facere quam dolore. Cocceium velim appelles. quod enim dixerat non facit. ego autem volo aliquod emere latibulum et perfugium doloris mei.