Letter 159

My eye trouble was bothering me even more than before. Still, I preferred to dictate this letter rather than give Gallus Fadius, who is deeply devoted to us both, nothing to carry to you. Yesterday, as well as I could, I wrote with my own hand the letter whose prophecy I hope proves false. This letter has not only the usual purpose, that no day should pass without my sending you something, but also a more serious one: I want to persuade you to take a little time - and very little is needed - to explain your thinking to me plainly, so that I understand it completely. Everything remains open for me. Nothing has been omitted that does not have a wise excuse, not merely a plausible one. I certainly did not do wrong when I refused to accept Capua after it had already been assigned, avoiding not only the charge of cowardice but even suspicion of bad faith. Nor did I do wrong when, after peace terms had been brought by Lucius Caesar and Lucius Fabatus, I took care not to offend the man to whom Pompey, already armed and facing an armed opponent, was offering a consulship and a triumph. Nor can anyone rightly criticize these last matters, because I did not cross the sea. That course did call for deliberation, but I could not carry it out. I could not have suspected Pompey's plan, especially since from Pompey's own letter I had no doubt - as I see you also thought - that he would come to Domitius' aid. I certainly preferred to think longer about what was right and what I should do. First, then, although you have already indicated what you think of these matters, please write it out to me more carefully. Then look ahead a little, and imagine what sort of man it is proper for me to be, where you think I can be of most use to the republic, and whether there is any need for a peacemaking role or everything lies in being a fighter. I measure everything by duty, yet I still remember your advice. If I had followed it, I would not have gone through the sadness of that earlier time. I remember what you advised then through Theophanes and through Culleo, and I have often recalled it with a groan. So now at least let us return to the calculations we threw away then, so that our plans may be not only glorious but also a little healthier. Still, I prescribe nothing. Please write me your view carefully. I also want you to inquire as diligently as you can - and you will have people through whom you can do it - what our Lentulus and Domitius are doing, what they are going to do, how they now conduct themselves, whether they accuse anyone, whether they are angry at anyone. Why do I say anyone? I mean Pompey. Pompey puts all the blame on Domitius; that can be seen from his own letter, a copy of which I sent you. So look into these things, and, as I wrote to you before, please send me the book On Concord by Demetrius of Magnesia, the one he sent to you.

I am even more troubled by inflammation of the eyes than I was before. Still I prefer to dictate this letter, rather than let Gallus Fadius, who has a sincere regard for us both, have no letter to give you. Yesterday I wrote myself to the best of my ability a letter containing prognostications, which I hope may prove false. One excuse for the present missive is my desire to let no day pass without communicating with you, but there is a still more reasonable excuse, to beg you to devote a little time to my case, and, as it will be a short business, I hope you will explain your view thoroughly and make it quite intelligible to me. I have not committed myself at all. There has been no omission on my part for which I cannot give not merely a plausible but a reasonable excuse. Assuredly I was not guilty of any fault, when, to avoid blame for cowardice and the charge of treachery to boot, I refused to take over Capua in its unprepared state. Nor am I to blame, when, after L. Caesar and L. Fabatus had brought terms of peace, I took precautions not to incur the enmity of a man to whom Pompey was offering the consulship and a triumph, when both were under arms. Finally I cannot rightly be called to account for not crossing the sea: for, though that was a course which was worthy of consideration, still I could not keep Pompey's appointment. Nor could I guess his policy, especially as from his own letter, as I see you inferred, I had no idea that he would fail to relieve Domitius. And certainly I wanted time to consider what was right and what I ought to do. Firstly, then, I wish you would write me a careful account of your views, though you have already outlined them, and secondly that you would glance at the future, and give me an idea of what course you think would become me, where you suppose I can serve the state best, and whether the part of a man of peace is required at all, or whether everything depends on a fighter. And I, who test everything by the standard of duty, yet remember your advice. Had I followed it, I should have been saved from the wretchedness of that crisis in my life. I call to mind the counsel you sent me then by Theophanes and Culleo, and the memory of it often makes me groan. So let me now at last go over the old reckoning which then I cast aside, to the end that I may follow a plan, which has in view not only glory, but also some measure of safety. However, I make no conditions: please give me your candid opinion. And please use your best energies to inquire (for you have suitable agents) what our friend Lentulus and what Domitius is doing, what they intend to do, what is their present attitude, whether they blame or are annoyed with anyone—why do I say anyone?—I mean Pompey. Pompey does not hesitate to put the whole blame on Domitius, as can be inferred from his letter, of which I send you a copy. So please consider these points, and, as I wrote you before, kindly send me that volume On Concord, by Demetrius of Magnesia, which he sent to you.

mihi molestior (lippitudo) erat etiam quam ante fuerat. dictare tamen hanc epistulam malui quam Gallo Fadio amantissimo utriusque nostrum nihil ad te litterarum dare. nam pridie quidem, quoquo modo potueram, scripseram ipse eas litteras quarum vaticinationem falsam esse cupio. huius autem epistulae non solum ea causa est ut ne quis a me dies intermittatur quin dem ad te litteras sed etiam haec iustior, ut a te impetrarem ut sumeres aliquid temporis +quod tibi et quia+ perexiguo opus est, explicari mihi tuum consilium plane volo, ut penitus intellegam. [2] omnia sunt integra nobis; nihil praetermissum est quod non habeat sapientem excusationem, non modo probabilem. nam certe neque tum peccavi cum imperatam iam Capuam non solum ignaviae delictum sed etiam perfidiae suspicionem fugiens accipere nolui, neque cum post condiciones pacis per L. Caesarem et (L.) fabatum adlatas cavi ne animum eius offenderem cui Pompeius iam armatus armato consulatum triumphumque deferret. [3] nec vero haec extrema quisquam potest iure reprehendere quod mare non transierim. id enim, etsi erat deliberationis, tamen obire non potui. neque enim suspicari debui, praesertim cum ex ipsius Pompei litteris, idem quod video te existimasse, non dubitarim quin is Domitio subventurus esset, et plane quid rectum et quid faciendum mihi esset diutius cogitare malui. [4] primum igitur, haec qualia tibi esse videantur, etsi significata sunt a te, tamen accuratius mihi perscribas velim, deinde aliquid etiam in posterum prospicias fingasque quem me esse deceat et ubi me plurimum prodesse rei publicae sentias, ecquae pacifica persona desideretur an in bellatore sint omnia. [5] atque ego qui omnia officio metior recordor tamen tua consilia; quibus si paruissem, tristitiam illorum temporum non subissem. memini quid mihi tum suaseris per Theophanem, per Culleonem, idque saepe ingemiscens sum recordatus. qua re nunc saltem ad illos calculos revertamur quos tum abiecimus, ut non solum gloriosis consiliis utamur sed etiam paulo salubrioribus. sed nihil praescribo accurate velim perscribas tuam ad me sententiam. [6] volo etiam exquiras quam diligentissime poteris (habebis autem per quos possis) quid Lentulus noster, quid Domitius agat, quid acturus sit, quem ad modum nunc se gerant, num quem accusent, num quoi suscenseant—quid dico num quoi? num Pompeio. omnino culpam omnem Pompeius in Domitium confert, quod ipsius litteris cognosci potest quarum exemplum ad te misi. haec igitur videbis et, quod ad te ante scripsi, Demetri Magnetis librum quem ad te misit de concordia velim mihi mittas.