Letter 151

Dionysius is certainly your man rather than mine. I knew his character well enough, but I stood by your judgment rather than my own. Yet, not even fearing the testimonials you had so often given him with me, he showed himself arrogant in what he thought would be a fall in my fortune. As far as human judgment can manage it, I will steer the movement of that fortune by some method. What honor from me, what attention, what recommendation of this somewhat contemptible man to others was lacking? I preferred that my judgment be criticized by my brother Quintus and by everyone generally rather than fail to lift him up with praise. I preferred that our young Ciceros be privately taught by my own labor rather than look for another teacher for them. Immortal gods, what letters I had sent him, how full of honor, how full of affection. You would have thought I was summoning Dicaearchus or Aristoxenus, not the most talkative man alive and the least suited to teaching. But he has a good memory. He will say mine is better. He answered those letters as I have never answered anyone whose case I was refusing. I always say, "if I can," or "if a previous obligation does not prevent me." Never to any defendant, however humble, however mean, however guilty, however much a stranger, have I refused so sharply as he has flatly cut me off without any qualification. I have known nothing more ungrateful; and in that vice every evil is included. But too much of him. I have prepared a ship. Still, I am waiting for your letter, so that I may know your answer to my consultation. You know that at Sulmo, Gaius Atius Paelignus opened the gates to Antony, although there were five cohorts there; that Quintus Lucretius escaped from the place; and that Gnaeus has gone to Brundisium, abandoning Domitius. The matter is finished.

I count Dionysius your man rather than mine: for, though I was well acquainted with his character, I held to your opinion of him rather than to my own. The fellow has paid no respect even to your frequent certificates of character, but has become arrogant in what he takes for a fall in my fortune, though so far as human wit can avail, I will steer my course onward with some skill. I never failed Dionysius in respect or service, or in a good word for the despicable cad. Nay, I preferred to have my opinion criticized by Quintus and people in general rather than omit to praise the fellow; and, sooner than seek another master for my boys, I took pains to give them private lessons myself. Good God, what a letter I sent him: how full of respect and affection! You would think that I was sending for Dicaearchus or Aristoxenus and not for an arch-chatter-box useless as a teacher. He has a good memory: he shall have reason to say that mine is better. He answered the letter in a tone I have never used even when I wished to decline a case. I always say, "if possible," "if no previous engagement hinders me." I have never given so curt a refusal as his curt unqualified "no" to any client however humble, however mean, however guilty, however much a stranger. It is the height of ingratitude, and ingratitude includes all sins. But enough and more than enough of this. I have a boat ready. Still I wait for a letter from you, that I may know your answer to my problem. You know that at Sulmo C. Atius Paelignus opened the gates to Antonius, though he had five squadrons, that Q. Lucretius has escaped from the place, and that Pompey has gone to Brundisium, deserting Domitius. We are done for.

Dionysius quidem tuus potius quam noster, cuius ego cum satis cognossem mores tuo tamen potius stabam iudicio quam meo, ne tui quidem testimoni quod ei saepe apud me dederas veritus superbum se praebuit in fortuna quam putavit nostram fore; cuius fortunae nos, quantum humano consilio effici poterit, motum ratione quadam gubernabimus. cui qui noster honos, quod obsequium, quae etiam ad ceteros contempti cuiusdam hominis commendatio defuit? ut meum iudicium reprehendi a Quinto fratre vulgoque ab omnibus mallem quam illum non efferre me laudibus Ciceronesque nostros meo potius labore subdoceri quam me alium iis magistrum quaerere; ad quem ego quas litteras, di immortales, miseram, quantum honoris significantis, quantum amoris! Dicaearchum me hercule aut Aristoxenum diceres arcessi, non unum hominem omnium loquacissimum et minime aptum ad docendum. [2] sed est memoria bona. me dicet esse meliore. quibus litteris ita respondit ut ego nemini cuius causam non reciperem. semper enim, 'si potero, si ante suscepta causa non impediar.' numquam reo cuiquam tam humili, tam sordido, tam nocenti, tam alieno tam praecise negavi quam hic mihi plane nulla exceptione praecidit. nihil cognovi ingratius; in quo vitio nihil mali non inest. sed de hoc nimis multa. [3] ego navem paravi. tuas litteras tamen exspecto, ut sciam quid respondeant consultationi meae. Sulmone C. Atium Paelignum aperuisse Antonio portas, cum essent cohortes quinque, Q. Lucretium inde effugisse +scis Gnaeum ire Brundisium desertum+. confecta res est.