Letter 14

AUSONIUS TO THEON I, Ausonius, whose schoolmaster's rod the sceptres now revere [as tutor to the emperor Gratian], bid greeting to the rustic Theon at Medoc. What are you about, set down on the farthest shores of the earth, a poet-tiller of the sands, whose lot it is to plough the strand beside the edge of Ocean and the setting sun, whom a cheap shanty hems in beneath its reed-thatched roof, and whom a tearful peasant's cottage stains with pitch-black smoke? What are the Muses and the singer Apollo doing? Muses not born on Helicon nor from the fountain of the Nag [Hippocrene, struck by Pegasus' hoof], but those who, out of the eloquent breast of Clementinus, breathe borrowed thoughts into empty-headed poets? And rightly so: for who would rather have his own verses called his own, when by foisting them on you he can flay you with untroubled laughter? And lest these verses too be able to press hard upon my modesty, you recite them, and they will truly be able to seem your own words. Yet what manner of life do you carry on upon the shore of Medoc? Do you ply trade, snatching at it with debased coinage, what a heavy auction will soon sell off at outrageous prices, the little balls of pale tallow, the greasy weights of wax, and Narycian pitch [from Naryx in Locri, famed for pitch], and torn papyrus, and the foul-reeking smoking torches, those peasant lamps? Or, busied with greater matters, do you pursue the thieves who roam through the whole region, men who, fearing the worst from you, summon you to a share in the plunder? You, gentle soul and hater of human bloodshed, pardon their crimes for cash, call them mere error, fix a price upon the rustled cattle, and pass over from judge into partner in their misdeeds? Or do you, together with your brother, encircle the wandering stags through the trackless thickets with nets and with the long line of feathers [the formido, a line hung with bright feathers to drive game]? Or do you press on the course of the foaming boar with shouts and lie in wait for the beast? Yet I warn you, refuse always to level your hunting-spears at close quarters against a thunderbolt-like foe. Take warning from your brother, who, drawing back his garment, displays the foul hollows near his shameful parts, and bares his wounds, gored close beside his backside. Then he flits about, a show-off, that he may be admired by Gedippa and by his own Ursinus and by the offspring of Jovinus, and by Taurinus, who reckons him the equal of the ancient heroes, such as the Calydonian victor [Meleager] over the boar at Olenus was, or as the Attic youth [Theseus] was against the Erymanthian monster. But you, spare the wild hunts and flee the notorious crimes of the woods, lest you become the offspring of Cinyras and once more, as a second Adonis, be mourned by Venus. For thus indeed, golden of hair and snowy of arms, you let your ruddy tresses pour down over your white neck; thus with tender breast, thus reed-slender of smooth belly, you descend along the rounded curves of your thighs and your gleaming calves, beautiful from the crown of your head to the soles of your feet, such as once the ravager in flower-crowned Aetna was, when, rising up from the Stygian furnaces, Orcus carried off Deo's daughter [Persephone, daughter of Demeter] snatched from among the maiden dances. Or, because you shun hunting on account of such great perils, do you spend your time drawn on by a passion for fishing? For all the gear at Dumniton is wont to display such treasures as these, the knotty skins of the creatures of Nereus [seals], and harpoons and casting-nets and, mean names, the seines and the wicker traps and the hooks baited with earthworms. Do you swell with pride, trusting in this wealth? The whole house is rich, overflowing with the spoils of the shore; back from the wave are brought the sturgeon, the deadly sting-ray and the soft plaice, the searing tunnies and the gar-fish [elacatum] ill-protected by its spine, and the corvina-fish [or grayling] that will not keep beyond two stretches of three hours. Or does it please you to defile with your songs the tuneful daughters of Mnemosyne, whether three sisters or eight? And since we have come to this point, if you wish to recognize what lies between true learning and ridiculous versifying, receive a heap of trifles, frivolous mysteries, nonsense which nevertheless you will not be able to grasp even with the pages spread open, unless ten times over you purge your wits with squill-flavored vinegar, or drink at Anticyra [whose hellebore cured madness] the shrewdness of the Samian Lucumo [Pythagoras]. Or let your interpreter be at hand, he who was the decipherer of my riddles, when he disclosed to you the little dark daughters of Cadmus [the letters of the alphabet], the white page of Melo, and the marks of the dusky cuttlefish [ink], and the knots of Cnidos. Now too let him be present, and surely, now that he has just been made master of letters, he will at once crack open what we write in play. I fashion for you, poet, the well-known verses which you know are called hendecasyllables, but you do not know that they are made to move by three measures. Those Phalaecus composed long ago, which have a penthemimer first and after the half-foot two iambs. There are some made from hexameters torn apart, so that the penthemimer is placed first, then what the bucolic caesura leaves behind. There are also those which the girl Sappho begets, which a second hippius governs first, so that an antibacchius may cap a choriambus. But now you will not be able to be taught, Theon, nor is it right for me, a royal schoolmaster, to teach the rules of meter to plebeian flesh. But at once produce what I require. I ask for nothing except what the books contain and what the uncultured papyri do not cover over. And if you unravel these trifles, O poet, I hand over to you at once all of Vacuna [a Sabine goddess, here standing for idleness], and no longer afterward will you have to dread the cry heard everywhere: "This is that Theon, the sham poet, the wicked Laverna [goddess of thieves] of good verses."

AUSONIUS, whose rod now overawes a sceptre, sends greeting to rustic Theon at Médoc. What dost thou, dwelling on earth's farthest verge, poetic tiller of the sands, who must plough the shore next Ocean's border and the setting sun, whom a poor hovel, thatched with reeds, confines, and a peasant's hut smothers with sooty smoke that brings tears to the eyes? What can the Muses be doing, and songster Apollo—Muses not sprung from Helicon nor from the Horse's Spring,7 but those which, springing from Clementinus' eloquent breast, inspire empty-headed bards with borrowed thoughts? And rightly so: for who would rather have verses called his when he can safely rend thee with his laughter?8 These verses also, lest they may force my blushes, do thou recite: and truly they will easily seem thy very words. Yet what life dost thou pursue on the coasts of Médoc? Art busy trafficking, snapping up for a dipped coinage goods presently to be sold in dear salerooms at outrageous prices—as balls of sickly tallow, greasy lumps of wax, Narycian 1 pitch, torn paper, and rank-smoking torches, your country lights? Or art thou busy about greater matters, chasing the thieves who roam through all thy neighbourhood, until they fear the worst and invite thee to share their spoils? Dost thou through tenderness and hatred of bloodshed compound felonies for cash, call them mistakes, levy fines for cattle rieved, and leave the part of judge to share the crime? Or with thy brother amid impenetrable thickets dost thou surround the wandering harts with mesh and feathers 2 in wide circle? Or dost thou urge on with shouts the foaming boar's career and lay wait for the monster? Yet I warn thee ever to avoid wielding thy spear at close quarters with a bolt-like foe. Take warning from thy brother, who pulls back his clothes displaying ugly scars near his privy parts, and bares his breech to show how awkwardly 'twas pierced. Then to display his wounds he Hits away to be admired by Gedippa, and his friend Ur-sinus, and Jovinus' young hopeful, and Taurinus who ranks him with ancient heroes such as was the Calydonian conqueror 3 of the boar in Olenus, or the Attic stripling 4 victorious o'er the Erymanthian5 monster. But do thou give up the chase and shun the well-known tragedies of the woods, lest thou be as the son of Cinyras and become a second Adonis for Venus to mourn. Like him, assuredly, fair-haired and snowy-white of arms, thou dost let stream ruddy locks over a gleaming neck; like him soft of breast, like him slender as a reed with shapely body, dost thou pass lower into smoothly curving hips and shining ankles, beauteous from top to toe 1—even such as of old the ravisher in flowery Aetna, who from amid maiden throngs carried off Deo's daughter —Orcus, arisen from his Stygian furnaces! Or, because thou avoidest the chase by reason of such great dangers, does zeal for fishing draw thee? For all the gear at Dunmitonus is wont to display such treasures as the knotty wraps of Nereus' creatures, casting-nets, drag-nets, lines with rustic names, wears, and stitched hooks for earthworms.2 On this outfit dost thou proudly rely? The whole house is rich to overflowing with the spoils of the seashore. From the waves are brought home sturgeon,3 the deadly sting-ray, soft tender plaice, bitter tunnies,4 spindle-fish 5 ill-guarded by their spines, and grayling which will not keep above twice three hours. Or dost thou delight to outrage with thy versos the songful daughters of Mnemosyne, be they sisters three or eight?0 And since we are come to this, it thou wouldst learn what is midway between learned verse and verse ridiculous, take this trumped-up rubbish, this trifling mystery, though with the sheet unrolled thou wilt not be able to comprehend it unless thou dost purge thy wits ten times over with vinegar seasoned with squills,1 or at Anticyra drink in the sagacity of the Samian nabob.2 Or let thy interpreter come to thy aid, he who read my riddles and revealed to thee the secret of Cadmus' little darky-girls, Melo's white page, the marks of the swart cuttlefish, and the knots of C nidos. 3 Let him now come to thy help, and certainly once appointed literary dictator, he will worry out forthwith what I write playfully. I am making up verses, Master Poet, well known to thee, and which thou knowest are called hendecasyllables, though thou knowest not that they move to three measures. Those were composed by Phalaecus 4 of old, in which a penthemimeris is followed by a half-foot after two iambi. Others are so formed from a mutilated hexameter that the penthemimeris is placed first, and then, what left after the bucolic caesura. There are also those which the girl Sappho brought forth, where first reigns a second hippius, leaving an antibacchius to cap a choriambus. But thou wilt no longer be able to learn, Theon, and 'tis not lawful for me, a royal schoolmaster, to teach prosody to common clay. But forthwith produce what I demand. I ask for naught but what thy notebooks hold and unsoiled sheets contain. If thou, Sir Poet, wilt pay me this trifle, all Vacuna 1 do I cede to thee outright, and no more hereafter shalt thou dread the universal cry: This is that feigned poet, Theon, the bad Laverna2 of good poetry.

AUSONIUS THEONI AUSONIUS, cuius ferulam nunc sceptra verentur, paganum Medulis iubeo salvere Theonem. Quid geris extremis positus telluris in oris, cultor harenarum vates, cui litus arandum oceani finem iuxta solemque cadentem, vilis harundineis cohibet quem pergula tectis et tinguit piceo lacrimosa colonica fumo? quid rerum Musaeque gerunt et cantor Apollo — Musae non Helicone satae nec fonte caballi, set quae facundo de pectore Clementini inspirant vacuos aliena mente poetas? iure quidem: nam quis malit sua carmina dici, qui te securo possit proscindcre risu? haec quoque ne nostrum possint urgere pudorem, tu recita, et vere poterunt tua dicta videri. Quam tamen exerces Medulorum in litore vitam? mereatusne agitas leviore nomismate captans, insanis quod mox pretiis gravis auctio vendat — albentis sevi globulos et pinguia cerae pondera Naryciamque picem scissamque papyrum fumantesque olidum, paganica lumina, taedas? An maiora gerens tota regione vagantes persequeris fures, qui te postrema timentes in partem praedamque vocent? tu mitis et osor sanguinis humani condonas crimina nummis erroremque vocas pretiumque inponis abactis bubus et in partem scelerum de iudice transis? An cum fratre vagos dumeta per avia cervos circumdas maculis et multa indagine pinnae? aut spumantis apri cursum clamoribus urges subsidisque fero? moneo tamen, usque recuses stringere fulminco venabula comminus hosti, exemplum de fratre time, qui veste reducta ostentat foedas prope turpia membra lacunas perfossasque uates vicino podice nudat. inde ostentator volitat, mirentur ut ipsum Gedippa Ursinusque suus prolesque lovini taurinusque ipsum priscis heroibus aequalis, qualis in Olcnio victor Calydonius apro aut Erymantheo1 pubes fuit Attica monstro. Set tu parce feris venatibus et fuge nota crimina silvarum, ne sis Cinyreia proles accedasque iterum Veneri plorandus Adonis, sic certe crinem flavus niveusque lacertos caesariem rutilam per candida colla refundis, pectore sic tenero, plana sic iunceus alvo, per teretes feminum gyros surasque nitentes descendis, talos a vertice pulcher ad imos — qualis floricoma quondam populator in Aetna virgineas inter choreas Deoida raptam sustulit emersus Stygiis fornacibus Orcus. An, quia venatus ob tanta pericula vitas, piscandi trahens studio? nam tota supellex Dumnitoni tales solita est ostendere gazas, nodosas vestes animantum Nerinorum et iacula et fundas et, nomina vilica. Lina colaque et insutos terrenis vermibus hamos. his opibus confise tumes? domus omnis abunda litoreis dives spoliis, referuntur ab unda corroco, letalis trygon mollesque platessae, urentes thynni et male teeti spina elacati 1 nec duraturi post bina trihoria corvi. An te carminibus iuvat incestare canoras Mnemosyncs natas, aut tris aut octo sorores? et quoniam huc ventum, si vis agnoscere, quid sit inter doctrinam deridendasque camenas, accipe congestas, mysteria frivola, nugas, quas tamen explicitis nequeas deprendere chartis, scillite decies nisi cor purgeris aceto Anticyraeve bibas 1 Samii Lucumonis acumen. aut adsit interpres tuus, aenigmatum qui cognitor fuit meorum, cum tibi Cadmi nigellas filias, Melonis albam paginam notasque furvae sepiae Gnidiosque nodos prodidit. nunc adsit et certe, modo praesul creatus litteris, enucleabit protinus quod lusitantes scribimus. Notos fingo tibi, poeta, versus, quos scis hendecasyllabos vocari, set nescis modulis tribus moveri, istos conposuit Phalaecus olim. qui penthemimeren habent priorem et post semipedem duos iambos. sunt quos hexametri creant revulsi, ut penthemimeres prior locetur, tum quod bucolice tome relinquit. sunt et quos generat puella Sappho: quos primus regit hippius secundus, ut eludat choriambon antibacchus. set iam non poteris, Theon, doceri, nec fas est mihi regio magistro plebeiam numeros docere pulpam. Verum protinus ede, quod requiro, nil quaero, nisi quod libris tenetur et quod non opicae tegunt papyri, quas si solvens, o poeta, nugas, totam trado tibi simul Vacunam, nec iam post metues ubique dictum: “Hic est ille Theon poeta falsus, bonorum mala carminum Laverna.”