Letter 841

To Rhodominus the Presbyter. Oh, how much will you blame and revile your own thoughtlessness, when you rise up out of the tomb to render account for your life here! Oh, how much will you tear yourself and groan in repentance, all to no purpose then, when the penitent will no longer be received once the appointed time has passed! How much will you weep in vain and lament, when you see the radiance of the righteous in the splendid distribution of the heavenly gifts, and the downcast gloom of those who have sinned in that deepest darkness, when you say, anguished in heart, gripped by the constriction of your spirit: Woe is me for my little faith, my thoughtlessness, and my indifference! Woe is me, that I willingly threw away the gift of the time that is past! Woe is me, that I was unwilling to give a thought to such tribunals and places of judgment! Why did I prefer vainglory above all things? Why did I prefer gluttony and drunkenness to eternal life? Why did I embrace wrath as a friend? Why did I serve fornications and wicked desires as though they were some mistresses? Why did I love the droning buzz of profitless chatter? Why did I fill everything with my own turmoil and tempest? Why did I hate the sweet fragrance of the divine prayers and psalms? Why did I refuse to bend my neck to the bishops? Why did I turn away from the delight of stillness [hesychia, the contemplative quiet of the monastic life], its sanctification, its dignity, its magnificence, its profit, the rest of the soul, the heavenly commonwealth, the true philosophy and ever-flourishing glory of the divine angels? These things and the like you will say on that day of recompense for the things we have lived through here, and no one will appear beside you to pour out mercy upon you with compassion.

Ὦ πόσα καταμέμψῃ καὶ λοιδορήσεις τὴν σεαυτοῦ ἀβουλίαν, ὅταν ἐκ τάφων ἀναστῇς ὀφέξων δίκην τὴν ἐνταῦθα βιώσεως! Ὦ πόσα σπαράξεις σεαυτόν, καὶ στενάξεις μετανοῶν ἄπρακτα τότε, ὅτε οὐκ ἔσται δεκτὸς ὁ μεταμελόμενος παρελθόντος τοῦ ὡρισμένου χρόνου! Πόσα εἰς μάτην κλαύσεις καὶ κατοδυρῇ, ὅταν ἴδῃς τὴν τῶν δικαίων φαιδρότητα ἐν τῇ λαμπρᾷ τῶν οὐρανίων δώρων διανομῇ, καὶ τὴν τῶν ἁμαρτησάντων κατήφειαν ἐν τῷ σκότῳ ἐκείνῳ τῷ βαθυτάτῳ, ὅταν λέγεις ὀδυνώμενος τὴν καρδίαν, συνεχόμενος τῇ στενοχωρίᾳ τοῦ πνεύματος· Οἴμοι τῆς ὀλιγοπιστίας, καὶ ἀβουλίας, καὶ ἀδιαφορίας! Οἴμοι, πῶς ἑκουσίως ἀπώλεσα τὴν δωρεὰν τοῦ παρελθόντος χρόνου! Οἴμοι, ὅτι οὐκ ἠθέλησα τοιαῦτα ἐννοῆσαι κριτήρια καὶ δικαιωτήρια! Διατί τὴν κενοδοξίαν προετίμησα πάντων; Διατί τὴν λαίμαργίαν καὶ τὴν μέθην προετίμησάσην τὴν αἰωνίου ζωῆς; Διατί τὸν θυμὸν ὡς φίλον ἠσπασάμην; Διατί τὰς πορνείας καὶ τὰς πονηρὰς ἐπιθυμίας καθάπερ τισὶ δεσποίναις ἐξυπηρετησάμην; Διατί τῆς ἀκερδοῦς φλυαρίας τὸν βόμβον ἠγάπησα; Διατί τῆς οἰκείας ταραχῆς τε καὶ ζάλης τὰ πάντα πεπλήρωκα; Διατί τῶν θείων προσευχῶν τε καὶ ψαλμῶν τὴν εὐοδίαν μεμίσηκα; Διατί τὸν τράχηλον τοῖς ἐπισκόποις οὐκ ἠνεσχόμην κλῖναι; Διατί ἀπεστράφην τῆς ἡσυχίας τὸν ἡδυσμόν, τὸν ἁγιασμόν, τὸ ἀξίωμα, τὴν μεγαλοπρέπειαν, τὸ ἐπωφελές, τὴν ἀνάπαυσιν τῆς ψυχῆς, τὸ οὐράνιον πολίτευμα, τὴν ὄντως τῶν θείων ἀγγέλων φιλοσοφίαν καὶ δόξαν ἀειθαλῆ; Ταῦτα καὶ τὰ τοιαῦτα ἐρεῖς κατ’ ἐκείνην τὴν ἡμέραν τῆς ἀνταποδόσεως τῶν ὧδε βεβιωμένων ἡμῖν, καὶ οὐδεὶς παραφανήσεταί σοι τὸν ἔλεον συμπαθῶς ἐπιχέων.