Letter 399

I have thanked Vettienus; nothing could have been kinder. Let Dolabella give me whatever commissions he likes, provided I have something, even a message to Nicias. As you say, who will refuse it? Can any sane person now doubt that I am going away in despair, not on a mission? You say that people, even good citizens, are talking about desperate political measures. I began to have doubts on the day I heard that tyrant called "a most distinguished man." Later, when I was with you at Lanuvium and saw that our friends had exactly as much hope of life as Antony allowed them, I lost all hope. So, my dear Atticus, I hope you will receive what I am about to say with the same courage with which I write it. Since I think the kind of death toward which events are carrying us is disgraceful, and since I believe Antony has practically condemned us to it, I have decided to escape from the trap - not so much to escape death as in the hope of a better death. All of this is Brutus' fault. You say Pompeius has been received at Carteia. Soon, then, an army will be sent against him. Which camp am I to choose? Antony makes neutrality impossible. One side is weak; the other is criminal. So let me hurry away. But advise me whether to sail from Brundisium or Puteoli. Brutus is wise to go, though it is sudden. I am rather upset by it, for when shall I see him again? But such is life. You yourself cannot see him. Curse that dead man for ever touching Buthrotum. But away with the past; let us see what has to be done. Although I have not yet seen Eros, from his letters and from what Tiro discovered I know fairly well where his accounts stand. You say I must raise a fresh loan of about two thousand for five months, that is, until November 1, when Quintus' debt falls due. Since Tiro says you do not want me to come to Rome just for that, if you do not mind, I would be grateful if you would see where I can get the money and put it on my account. I see that it is necessary for the present. I will inquire more closely into the rest from Eros himself, including the rents from Terentia's dower property. If those are properly looked after for my son, he will be fairly well provided for, though I want him to be treated more liberally. I see that I myself will need some travel money, but he can receive the rents as they fall due, whereas I shall need a lump sum. I certainly will not leave until the money has been paid, though that shadow-fearing fellow seems to me to be contemplating a massacre. Whether it has been arranged or not, I shall learn when I see you. I thought it better to write this myself, and so I have. As you say about Fadius, the money must not go to anyone else under any circumstances. Please answer by return.

I have thanked Vettienus; for nothing could have been kinder. Let Dolabella give me what commissions he will, provided I have something, even a message to Nicias. For, as you say, who will deny it? Can any sane man doubt now that I am going away in despair, not on a mission? You say that people, aye, even good citizens, are talking of desperate political measures. I began to have my doubts on the day that I heard that tyrant called "a most distinguished man." Afterwards, when I was with you at Lanuvium and saw that our friends had precisely so much hope of life as Antony gave them, I lost all hope. So, my dear Atticus, I hope you will take what I am going to say with the same courage as I write it. As I think the kind of death towards which the current of affairs is setting is disgraceful and hold that we are practically condemned to it by Antony, I have decided to escape from the toils, not so much to escape as in hope of a better death. All this is Brutus' fault. You say Pompeius has been received at Carteia. So there will soon be an army sent against him. Then which camp am I to choose? For Antony makes neutrality impossible. That is weak, this is criminal. So let me hasten away. But give me your counsel whether to sail from Brundisium or Puteoli. Brutus does wisely to go, but it is sudden. I am rather upset about it, for when shall I see him again? But such is life. You yourself cannot see him. Heaven confound that dead man for ever touching Buthrotum. But away with the past; let us see what has to be done. Though I have not yet seen Eros, from his letters and from what Tiro found out I know pretty well how his accounts stand. You say I must raise a fresh loan for some £2,000 for five months, that is, till the 1st of November, when Quintus' debt falls due. So, since Tiro says you do not want me to come to Rome on purpose for that, if you do not mind, I should be glad if you would see where I can get the money, and put it down on my account. I see it is necessary for the present. I will enquire more closely into the rest from Eros himself, among other things about the rents of Terentia's dower property. If they are properly looked after for my son he will be pretty well provided for, though I want him to be more liberally treated. I see I shall want some journey-money myself; but he can get the rents of the property as they fall due, whereas I shall require a lump sum. I certainly shall not leave until the money has been paid, though that trembler at shadows seems to me to be meditating a massacre. However, whether it has been arranged or not, I shall learn when I see you. I thought I had better write this myself, and so I have done so. As you say about Fadius: the money must not go to anyone else in any case. Please answer by return.

egi gratias Vettieno; nihil enim potuit humanius. Dolabellae mandata sint quaelibet, mihi aliquid, vel quod Niciae nuntiem. quis enim haec, ut scribis, anteno ? nunc dubitare quemquam prudentem quin meus discessus desperationis sit, non legationis? quod ais extrema quaedam iam homines de re publica loqui et eos quidem viros bonos, ego quo die audivi illum tyrannum in contione 'clarissimum virum' appellari subdiffidere coepi. postea vero quam tecum Lanuvi vidi nostros tantum spei habere ad vivendum quantum accepissent ab Antonio, desperavi. itaque, mi Attice, (fortiter hoc velim accipias, ut ego scribo), genus illud interitus quo causurus est foedum ducens et quasi denuntiatum nobis ab Antonio ex hac nassa exire constitui non ad fugam sed ad spem mortis melioris. haec omnis culpa Bruti. [3] Pompeium Carteia receptum scribis; iam igitur contra hunc exercitum. Vtra ergo castra? Media enim tollit Antonius. illa infirma, haec nefaria. properemus igitur. sed iuva me consilio, Brundisione an Puteolis. Brutus quidem subito sed sapienter. Pa/sxw ti . quando enim illum? sed humana ferenda. tu ipse eum videre non potes. di illi mortuo qui umquam Buthrotum! sed acta missa; videamus quae agenda sint. [4] rationes Erotis, etsi ipsum nondum vidi, tamen et ex litteris eius et ex eo quod Tiro cognovit prope modum cognitas habeo. versuram scribis esse faciendam mensum quinque, id est ad Kal. Nov., HS C_C_; in eam diem cadere nummos qui a Quinto debentur. velim igitur, quoniam Tiro negat tibi placere me eius rei causa Romam venire, si ea te res nihil offendet, videas unde nummi sint, mihi feras expensum. hoc video in praesentia opus esse. reliqua diligentius ex hoc ipso exquiram, in his de mercedibus dotalium praediorum. quae si fideliter Ciceroni curabuntur, quamquam volo laxius, tamen ei prope modum nihil deerit. equidem video mihi quoque opus esse viaticum; sed ei ex praediis ut cadet ita solvetur, mihi autem opus est universo. equidem etsi mihi videtur iste qui umbras timet ad caedem spectare, tamen nisi explicata solutione non sum discessurus. sitne autem explicata necne tecum cognoscam. hanc putavi mea manu scribendam, itaque feci. de Fadio, ut scribis, utique alii nemini. rescribas velim hodie.