Letter 366

There is only one reason I wish you had made this request in person instead of by letter. You would then have seen my affection for you, not only from my words but, as people say, from my face, eyes, and expression. I have always cared for you, first because of your devotion to me and later because of your favors; and in these times the public situation has so commended you to me that no one is dearer to me. Your letter, written with such affection and respect, affected me so strongly that I felt I was receiving a kindness from you, not granting one to you. You asked in a way that made clear you did not want to save your own friend, though he was my enemy, against my will, even though you could easily have done so. My dear Antony, I release the matter to you, and I regard myself as having been treated by you with the greatest generosity and honor in the words you wrote. In any case I would have thought the whole thing should be granted to you, whatever the facts were. I grant it also to my own humanity and nature. Nothing in me has ever been bitter, or even a little harsh or severe, beyond what public necessity required. Besides, I never had any special hatred even for Clodius himself. I have always held that we should not hunt down the friends of our enemies, especially those of humbler standing, and that we should not strip ourselves of such supports. As for the boy Clodius, I think it is your part, as you write, to shape his tender mind with the belief that no enmity remains between our families. I fought Publius Clodius when I was defending the public cause and he was defending his own. The state judged the contest between us. If he were alive now, I would have no quarrel left with him. Since you ask this of me in such a way that, although the power is yours, you say you will not use it against my will, you may, if you think fit, give this concession to the boy from me as well. Not because a man of my age need fear anything from one of his age, or because my standing shrinks from any dispute, but so that we ourselves may be more closely joined than we have been until now. With these enmities intervening, your heart has been more open to me than your house. But enough of this. One last point: whatever I think you want and whatever I think concerns you, I shall always do with the greatest zeal and without hesitation. Please be thoroughly persuaded of that.

There is one reason why I wish you had made personally the request you are making by letter. Then you could have seen my affection for you not only from what I said, but from my "expression, eyes and brow," as the phrase goes. For I have always had an affection for you, urged thereto at first by your attention to me and afterwards by benefits received, and in these days public affairs have so recommended you to me that there is no one for whom I have more regard. The letter you have written to me in such a friendly and flattering tone makes me feel as though I were receiving a favour from you, not granting one to you, since you refuse to recall your friend, who was my enemy, against my will, though you could quite easily do so. Of course I grant your request, my dear Antony, and I think myself, too, most liberally and honourably treated, when you address me in such a strain. I should have thought it right to grant it you freely, whatever the facts had been, and besides, I am gratifying my own natural kindliness. For I never had any bitterness or even the slightest sternness or severity in me, except what was demanded by public necessity. Besides, I never had any special grudge against Clodius himself, and I always laid down the rule that one should not attack one's enemies' friends, especially their humbler friends, nor should we ourselves be deprived of such supporters. As regards the boy Clodius I think it is your duty to imbue his "receptive mind," as you say, with the idea that there is no enmity between our families. I fought P. Clodius because I was fighting for the State, he for his own hand; and the State decided the merits of our controversy. If he were alive now I should have no further quarrel with him. So, since in making your request you say you will not use the power you have against my will, you may make this concession to the boy too in my name, if you will; not that a man of my age has anything to fear from a youth of his, or that a person of my position needs shrink from any quarrel, but that we may be more intimate than we have been as yet. For these feuds have come between us, and so your heart has been more open to me than your house. But enough of this. I have one thing to add, that, whatever I think you wish, and whatever is to your interest, I shall never have any hesitation in carrying out with all my heart and soul. Of that I hope you will feel fully persuaded.

quod mecum per litteras agis unam ob causam mallem coram egisses. non enim solum ex oratione sed etiam ex vultu et oculis et fronte, ut aiunt, meum erga te amorem perspicere potuisses. nam cum te semper amavi primum tuo studio, post etiam beneficio provocatus, tum his temporibus res publica te mihi ita commendavit ut cariorem habeam neminem. [2] Litterae vero tuae cum amantissime tum honorificentissime scriptae sic me adfecerunt ut non dare tibi beneficium viderer sed accipere a te ita petente ut inimicum meum, necessarium tuum me invito servare nolles, cum id nullo negotio facere posses. ego vero tibi istuc, mi Antoni, remitto atque ita ut me a te, cum iis verbis scripseris, liberalissime atque honorificentissime tractatum existimem, idque cum totum, quoquo modo se res haberet, tibi dandum putarem, tum do etiam humanitati et naturae meae. nihil enim umquam non modo acerbum in me fuit sed ne paulo quidem tristius aut severius quam necessitas rei publicae postulavit. accedit ut ne in ipsum quidem Clodium meum insigne odium fuerit umquam, semperque ita statui, non esse insectandos inimicorum amicos, praesertim humiliores, nec his praesidiis nosmet ipsos esse spoliandos. [4] nam de puero Clodio tuas partis esse arbitror ut eius animum tenerum, quem ad modum scribis, iis opinionibus imbuas ut ne quas inimicitias residere in familiis nostris arbitretur. contendi cum P. Clodio cum ego publicam causam, ille suam defenderet. nostras concertationes res publica diiudicavit. si viveret, mihi cum illo nulla contentio iam maneret. [5] qua re quoniam hoc a me sic petis ut, quae tua potestas est, ea neges te me invito usurum, puero quoque hoc a me dabis, si tibi videbitur, non quo aut aetas nostra ab illius aetate quicquam debeat periculi suspicari aut dignitas mea ullam contentionem extimescat, sed ut nosmet ipsi inter nos coniunctiores simus quam adhuc fuimus. interpellantibus enim his inimicitiis animus tuus mihi magis patuit quam domus. sed haec hactenus. illud extremum. ego quae te velle quaeque ad te pertinere arbitrabor semper sine ulla dubitatione summo studio faciam. hoc velim tibi penitus persuadeas.